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Funny things said
19 February 2014 14:07 Post ID: #335397
Mick Jones
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New Zealand Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside him".

Pat Glenn, Weightlifting commentator: " and this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning, and it was amazing."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford- Cambridge boat race: " Ah isn,t that nice the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

USA PGA commentator: " one of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, His wife takes out his balls and kisses them,"

A female news anchor, the day after it was supposed to snow and didn,t, Turns to Bob, the weatherman,," so Bob, wheres that 8 inches you promised me last night". Bob had to leave the set, he was laughing so much.

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North, " theres nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."



Edited by leeds1975 27/2/2014 23:18
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19 February 2014 17:15 Post ID: #335404 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Brian Johnston Cricket commentator: " The Bowlers Holding, the Batsman's Willey."

Brian Johnston on BBC Radio: "Welcome to Worcester where you have just missed seeing Barry Richards Hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground."

Richie Benaud, Channel 9: "Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle."

Edited by leeds1975 27/2/2014 23:18
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20 February 2014 19:08 Post ID: #335502 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Murray Walker F1 commentator: "Unless I'm very much mistaken, I'm very much mistaken."
Murray Walker F1 commentator: "Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough."
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20 February 2014 22:41 Post ID: #335543 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Richie Benaud, Cricket commentator: " The slow motion replay doesn't show how fast the ball was really going."

Mark Viduka, Footballer: " I would not be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the League."

Murray Walker, F1 commentator: "either the car is stationary, or it's on the move."

Gary Lineker, BBC Sports presenter: " if somebody spits at you, you've just got to swallow it."

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23 February 2014 20:33 Post ID: #335893 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Ted Lowe, snooker commentator, " and for those of you watching in Black and White, the pink is next to the green."

John Parrot, snooker player/commentator, " Well he has conceded there, but he never gives up."

Ian Holloway,football manager, " We need a big ugly defender, if we had one of them we would have dealt with Countys first goal by taking out the ball, the player, and the first three rows of seats in the stand."

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27 February 2014 23:30 Post ID: #336184 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Winston Churchill: " A lie gets half way around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."

Albert Einstein: " Once you can accept the Universe expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."

Marilyn Monroe: " Its not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on."

Bill Cosby: " A word to the wise ain't necessary, its the stupid ones who need advice."
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28 February 2014 00:29 Post ID: #336186 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Lana Turner: ( old time Film/TV Star) " A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man."

Albert Einstein : " When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red hot cinder, a second seems like an hour. Thats Relativity."

W C Fields: " I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."

Woody Allen: " I am not afraid of Death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

Groucho Marx: " I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
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28 February 2014 00:46 Post ID: #336187 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Ronald Reagan: " Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement."

Robin Williams: " Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves."

Billy Connolly: " My Definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."

Clint Eastwood: " They say marriages are made in Heaven, but so is thunder and lighting."

Lily Tomlin: " if love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question."
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28 February 2014 13:46 Post ID: #336201 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Mark Twain: " A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

Charles M. Schulz: " Stop worrying about the world ending today, its already tomorrow in Australia."

Homer Simpson: " Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it, now quiet! they're about to announce the Lottery numbers."

Lily Tomlin: " Man invented Language to satisfy his deep need to complain."

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28 February 2014 19:45 Post ID: #336213 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Steven Wright: " If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is definitely not for you."

Marian Keyes: " Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make up."

Groucho Marx: " A child of Five can understand this, send someone to fetch a child of Five."

Peyton Manning: " Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing."

Denis Leary: " All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah,blah, BEER."
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02 March 2014 03:14 Post ID: #336364 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Murray Mexted; ( Former Rugby Union Player) " you don't like to see Hookers going down on players like that."

Rodney Dangerfield: " I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out."

Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my Mother and Father."

Muhammad Ali: " I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing, and the shadow won."
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13 June 2014 16:49 Post ID: #342540 - in reply to #335397
Mick Jones
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Lillian Carter ( Mother of Ex President Jimmy Carter.) " Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say ' Lillian, you should have remained a Virgin."

Eleanor Roosevelt: " I had a rose named after me, and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased when I read the description in the catalogue, -: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall."

Mark Twain: " Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister,and now wish to withdraw that statement."

Groucho Marx: " I was married by a Judge, I should have asked for a Jury."
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