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Jokes
27 January 2014 01:33 Post ID: #333155 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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A little boy at Breakfast one day , asked his grandpa, "What position in football do you play".
Grandpa smiles and answer's " I'm far too old to play Football , what made you ask."
Little Boy " well Dad said when you kicked off we can get a new car"
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27 January 2014 01:37 Post ID: #333156 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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Patrick, "I couldn,t get to the game last week, what was the score".

Michael " Nil- Nil "

Patrick, " what was it at half time?"
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27 January 2014 01:42 Post ID: #333157 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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At Upton Park: West Ham United are Magic

Written underneath

Just watch them disappear from the Premier League.
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27 January 2014 01:45 Post ID: #333158 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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A sign outside Vicarage Road Watford.

JESUS SAVES

Written underneath.

Should sign him as a goalkeeper.
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27 January 2014 20:50 Post ID: #333189 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
20001000500100100100100252525
Why did the Farmer plough his field with a steam roller.

Because he wanted mashed potato's.
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27 January 2014 20:55 Post ID: #333192 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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Why did the chicken cross the Basketball court.

He heard the refs were Blowing Fowls.
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28 January 2014 14:12 Post ID: #333205 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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What is the longest word in the English Dictionary.

"Smiles", because there is a mile between the S's.

An English Teacher wrote on the Blackboard, woman without her man is nothing,then asked her pupils to punctuate it properly.

Male wrote, Woman, without her man, is nothing.

Girls wrote, Woman, without her, man is nothing.


Charlie was getting annoyed and for the sixth time shouted up to his wife," hurry up or we are going to be late".
"oh be quiet" replies his wife, "Haven't I been telling you for the past hour I'll be ready in a minute."
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28 January 2014 14:18 Post ID: #333207 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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A boy came home from school and told his mother," I've got a part in the school play"
"oh what part is that then " ask's the mother.
"I play the part of the husband", replies the boy.
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell him you want a speaking part."
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30 January 2014 03:38 Post ID: #333349 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
20001000500100100100100252525
Husband watching a video

" no don,t do it, I swear you are going to regret it for the rest of your life, NO DON'T DO IT, Don't say yes, NOO Ah he said yes, you stupid idiot"

Wife " what you getting so mad for, what are you watching".

" our wedding ceremony".
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30 January 2014 03:41 Post ID: #333351 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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I must have a great backside because everytime I finish talking and walk away, they whisper "what an Ass".
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30 January 2014 15:14 Post ID: #333371 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
20001000500100100100100252525
Down in Mexico they have a building that contains a vast tank full of Latex, the workers there are arranged according to hand size, each worker dips their hands in and then walks around until the latex is dry, they peel off the newly formed gloves and place them in the finished goods bin.

Makes you wonder how they make condoms.
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30 January 2014 15:24 Post ID: #333372 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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A guest calls down for Room service, " I would like two boiled egg's, one undercooked and runny, one like a bullet, Burnt toast that crumbles as you pick it up, Bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold, butter that has been left in the deep freeze and is unspreadable and a pot of weak as dishwater Coffee"

" That may be rather difficult Sir"

" you managed it perfectly well yesterday."

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06 February 2014 03:25 Post ID: #334178 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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A man watching a football game on TV kept switching channels to a porno movie featuring a couple having great sex, " I don't know which one to watch" he said to his wife.

"oh for heavens sake watch the porn, you already know how to play Football."
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06 February 2014 03:41 Post ID: #334179 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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Man goes up to an ugly woman in a bar,
He ask's "do you have a pen"
"of course " she says scrabbling in her handbag,
"well get back in it before the farmer misses you".
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06 February 2014 03:44 Post ID: #334180 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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My Friend got a little Jack Russell puppy today, it is mainly Black and Brown with a little White area,

He named it Bradford.
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06 February 2014 03:47 Post ID: #334181 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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My wife says we should set aside some time to discuss my childish behavious,
As if thats going to happen during conker season.
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06 February 2014 03:59 Post ID: #334182 - in reply to #332427
Mick Jones
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Scientists have developed a new drug for depressed Lesbians,
Its called Trydixagain.

Paddy and Mick stagger out the Zoo pouring with Blood,
"b******s to that" says Mick
"Thats the last time I try Lion Dancing".

Wales is the only Country where you can get a great shag, a delicious Hot Pot, and a lovely Jumper from the same Animal.

Whats an Australian Kiss,
Same as a French Kiss
Only down under.
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